The Duty of Butterflies

I think a lot about the phenomenon of transformation. In some species, transformations are profound: from a larva to a butterfly. In some, it’s subtle as when a human grows from a pudgy baby to a lanky adult. Because human growth has these subtle physical differences, the domain of change is within. In how we act. For some, life and aging are the contributing factors to behaviour and the change may only go as cause and effect will push someone. For some, life events get to a critical mass and the psychological changes are profound. In turn, they can spark physiological changes almost as significant as turning larvae into butterflies.

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48 and 49

I am 49. This is the 48th month of my Rebuild.

When i started this process four years ago, I didn’t really know what I was doing. I was in a very deep well. I know I had to do something. I doubted myself. I felt horrible. I would later discover that I was put there through gaslighting. Regardless, it was the spark for me to get this all going. I likened this to regeneration. It’s a regrowth. A renewal. A rebuild.

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Break Some Eggs

In December of 2014, I said, “I’m going to talk about rebuilding my life.” I also said, “I’ll do this over the next six months.” 2015 happened. But more than that happening, there was the reality of trial and error applied to a real life. Continue reading

The Nadir

The stormtroopers have the Rebels. Vader has Luke on the ropes. The Death Star’s shields are intact. All is not going well for our heroes. But things turn around. The darkest moment gives into the brightest dawn. Is that how this works?

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The Alchemy of Rage

In the weeks that have followed my break-up, I have had to contend with rage. At the outset of the break-up, I had the sampler of emotions: remorse, regret, rage, sadness, hurt, bitterness. They were prepped fast food style and served out immediately to whoever was closest at hand. Often I dumped them on my first wife* but I also dumped this on others.

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