The Rebuild Blog

Building Walls and Keeping Walls From Being Built

We were four months into our renovation project. By the four month mark, nerves are frayed. The whole house is in chaos: covered in drywall dust and splatters and paint. All of our time goes into renovations. We need to get it done, clear up the dust and get our lives back. The players in […]

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Who, What, Where?

Three questions and I am putting them to myself. I will do a part 2 and part 3 of asking these same questions every couple months.   Who are you? I don’t know. I was a son, but I am no longer. I was a husband, but I am no longer. I was angry too […]

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The Nadir

The stormtroopers have the Rebels. Vader has Luke on the ropes. The Death Star’s shields are intact. All is not going well for our heroes. But things turn around. The darkest moment gives into the brightest dawn. Is that how this works? All of my credit cards are maxed out. My income is about $1000/mo. […]

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Tuning The Unified Field Theory of Awesome

I have a number of goals. I liken this to the unified field theory. In physics, there is the unified field theory: that gravity, electromagnetism, strong and weak forces can combine into one display of– of everything. My health, my finances and my happiness are tied to each other. They tug on each other. When […]

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Safe

What does safe look like? Last week, I wrote about agoraphobia and how a daily routine that involves travel can spark apprehension and anxiety. It seems like “safe” is impossible. But I more or less got there in 2014. In October 2014, I started working at UVic. The co-workers respected me. The environment was easy […]

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Swimming Away From The Liferaft

I have agoraphobia. I first noticed it in a pronounced way when I was about 14. Prior to that, I would just opt to stay home instead of going out. It got to be a pretty familiar practice. By 14, I would end up with massive anxiety fits. I took Grade 9 as home schooling […]

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The Masks We Wear

I went to a really interesting discussion on the Droppin’ The Mask. The masks we wear. We wear them out of social necessity or out of internal drivers. We wear them as tools to carry out our day-to-day lives. What happens when we drop those masks? This topic sparked some questions in me. What are […]

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Let’s Start The Rebuild… Again

Thirteen months ago, I was gung-ho to get the Rebuild going. It turned out, at the time, that I wasn’t done with being busted. When this launched in December 2014, I thought my marriage was good. I thought my family was good. I thought I had a good place to rebuild my health and finances […]

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The Naked Truth

The layers of the old me are starting to strip off. Beneath that are the older versions of me. This feels like a geological dig. As I find the smaller me inside, I can dress it up and show off this newer body. The Chronology of Obesity Until I was five years old, I could […]

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The Alchemy of Rage

In the weeks that have followed my break-up, I have had to contend with rage. At the outset of the break-up, I had the sampler of emotions: remorse, regret, rage, sadness, hurt, bitterness. They were prepped fast food style and served out immediately to whoever was closest at hand. Often I dumped them on my […]

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The Crash

The Rebuild started as my little internal project in October. I was going to walk to lose weight, then work some side jobs to get some money to pay down debts. Then, ruminate on how to be more positive in the world. I thought the outlook element was the least of my worries having sunk […]

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The Wish List

People spend so much time talking themselves out of achieving their goals. Next time you look at a wish list of things you want to do, consider it a to-do list of things you are going to do. Don’t fixate on the problems– those elements that keep you apart from your wish list. Make that […]

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